miscategorized.

i ask you questions with premeditated answers because i want you to tell me exactly what i want to hear but you don’t. and my heart swells when you give me another answer that’s outside of the box i’ve drawn for possibilities of us and it throws me off and i hate it but i love it at the same time because i don’t think i want what’s inside the fucking box. so i still ask these questions, half waiting for you to tell me what i want to hear and half waiting for an answer that’s going to break my heart because you do it all the time. those are the only two possibilities, i realized, because i put all the positive ones in the back of my mind and you, surprising little fucker that you are, give me words with daggers attached and they scrape my throat as i swallow them with smile. fuck, i hate you. but i come back, fueling hopes off of your stupid fucking words, saying “yeah, me too” when the entire time, i want to burst out in tears from pain in my chest because my heart is cracking my ribs from the size it’s swollen into. and finally,

“do you love me?”

“i fucking hate you.”

but give me an hour and a bandaid and fuck–i’m ready for round 2.